Paper Towel Throw was Reptilian Feeding Ritual

Most people want to their president to be seen as unflappably calm, composed under pressure while empathetically comforting the victims of a tragedy. Our Reptilian President shocked the country yet again with a stunning lack of empathy on a recent humanitarian mission to Puerto Rico, attempting to recreate a Reptilian feeding ritual with throwing paper towels. Reptilian […]

Tribalist Thinking Beginning to Turn on Trump

  Tribalism works in mysterious ways. The tribalist thinking that got Trump elected is now turning against him. The big bold claims and promises that rallied his tribe behind him to think he was “strong” compared to Reptillary, are being used against him. Despite all the opposition he’s faced since taking office, his supporters have […]

Robots proven to be Sentient Autonomous Lifeforms with first Robo-Suicide

Robot Suicide opens public’s eyes to robot mental health crisis. Anyone who’s had the misfortune of seeing Paul Blart Mall Cop could tell you that being a mall security guard is about as futile and meaningless an existence as one could imagine. Even being a “soulless machine” is not a suitable defense for soul crushing […]

How Kelly Anne Fitzpatrick became Reptillyanne Conway

Who was Kelly Anne Fitzpatrick and how did she become Reptillyanne Conway? Kelly Anne Fitzpatrick or Reptillyanne Conway as she’s now known, was born in Camden, NJ in 1967. The Fitzpatricks moved out of the collapsing Camden and Kellyanne grew up in suburban Hammonton New Jersey. Kellyanne was always a bright, motivated individual and was […]

Reptilian Paul Ryan wants to destroy Health Care so he can eat your liver.

Reptilian Paul Ryan attempts to destroy the Affordable Care Act. This week Reptilian Skink Paul Ryan made strides this week towards destroying socialized healthcare with the American Health Care Act. The boasts of “increasing freedom” are a shoddy distraction so the House of Rep(tilian)resentatives can dissect and destroy government sponsored health care bills. Reptilians like Paul Ryan […]

Illuminati deliver whiplash on La La Land for perceived cultural appropriation.

Illuminati lash the whip on white jazz musical La La Land. The Academy Awards have long been the Illuminati’s favorite night of self indulgent love and they did not waste an opportunity to shine on their special night. The musical La La Land was nominated for 14 academy award, many criticized favoritism for anything Nostalgic […]