Pence’s Dark Seance

112 DC Area infants were reported missing from hospitals, nurseries and parents homes over the weekend. Many parents were shocked and dismayed, but others claim that some babies were purchased all last seen entering unmarked black vans. One DC insider claims to have proof that the Vice President may have been involved in their abduction. For what purpose did Pence have to abduct and murder these poor innocent children, you may be wondering? For the purposes of what’s known as a “DARK SEANCE” or communication with the source of his dark magic, and was overheard chanting this spell.

Darkness beyond blackest pitch, deeper than the deepest night! Lord of Darkness, shining like gold upon the Sea of Chaos, I call upon thee, swear myself to thee! Let the fools who stand before us be destroyed by the power you and I possess!

Pence has eaten over 10,000 infants

What the public doesn’t know is that the reason Mike Pence is behind planned parenthood and god fearing “pro-life” movement is not for his love of human life. Far from it, Mike Pence has consumed 10,000+ living infants in a variety of fashions. He uses them as precursors for his spells to maintain his eternal life and provide him the glamors or shape shifting body modifications that allow him to present his affable warm speaking voice to the public. His favorite method of consumption is the classic, a plate, a knife, and a fork. The living babies squirming beneath on his satanic dinner plate a source of great amusement for 800 year oldMike Pence AKA Mikapenz.

Hoosier Boy Charm

Don’t let the seemingly inviting Hoosier accent and calm rational speaking voice fool you, Mikapenz is not who he appears to be. Although most will be quick to comment on his cold sinister smile and his sunken eyes appearing to be filled with death and torment, most are often thrown off by his warm cordial speaking voice. Pence “Disappointed” by Flynn, delighted by eating babies Pence recently commented on the firing of Michael Flynn, the National Security Advisor that reportedly lied about his dealings with Russia, saying “I was disappointed.” He did not betray much emotion, he appeared to maintain a positive demeanor and was able to embody a warm tone that conveyed both emotion and forgiveness. Pence really has the American public fooled, standing next to the blithering buffoon that is Reptonald he appears to be the picture of rational thought, like a kind old man.